Article as appeared in Plus News

hen you take your seat on a plane, the inviting brochure in front of you always shows which routes the airline flies to via simple straight lines. In our case it was straight on to Barcelona and take a left turn to the island of Mallorca. The pilot however had other ideas - he announced he was going via Italy! Suddenly, the old and unfunny jokes I had been making during our initial delay taking off about needing new Selotape for the wings didn't seem quite so funny now - especially when we encountered very heavy turbulence in which we were trapped because there was a plane directly above us!

Cala D'Or Sunrise

On the East Coast of Mallorca, Cala D'Or has everything you might want - bars, nightclubs, smart restaurants, cheap cafes and lovely sandy beaches. So we hired 2 cars and drove for miles looking for something better. I was elected as 'Find the Best Beach Officer', but all those I suggested seemed to have some connotations with taking ALL your clothes off, 'Popular with Nudists', 'Unofficially Nudist' were some of the guide book's comments. Colin Rumford made a story up about a lady on the gate who would take your money and check that you were wearing your birthday suit. Eventually, we arrived at our chosen beach and had to go down a long lane only to reach a gate with a lady standing guard! Fortunately, swimsuits were allowed but our own beach at Cala D'Or was far better and had more fish. But the worry on everyone's faces as we approached the beach made the whole journey worthwhile.

I grew to dislike the Spanish more and more as the week went on. For example, their attitude on serving meals is as follows: If six English tourists order a set meal for six, what do you give them? Answer - Fob them off with a dish that would leave a sparrow still feeling peckish. On another occasion I thought I was going to be thrown out of a show twice in the night - once for arguing with the waiters and again for daring to look at my camera.

And in one restaurant when I asked for a coffee after my meal the reply was How may Women would you like After a few minutes of language barriers and pointless sign language, I gave up without my drink.

On the last day I wore shorts but for some reason, it didn't occur to me that England would not have the clear blue skies with hot days and nights that we had become accustomed to in Mallorca, especially on an Early October Night. So I spent the journey back longing for my trousers which were packed well away in my suitcase. Eventually reunited with them, the 24 of us said goodbye and looked forward to Gran Canaria 2000!

Cala D'Or Beach