Article as appeared in Plus News

had my passport, my currency, my beach wear, and I'd checked the tickets were still with me for the 27th time in half an hour. We were off to Nerja, Costa Del Sol for a week of sun etc. etc. - what could go wrong?

Well first, the rude and unpleasant lady at Letchworth BR station told me that I couldn't stay a week and instead had to be back in 5 days! After my vehement protests and some further incompetence by her, we were on our way to Gatwick. But at Gatwick, the excitement began right away as we almost missed our plane. Colin Rumford decided to buy some 'duty frees' just before we were supposed to be boarding. The till broke down, the rest of us were panicking and we ended up running for our lives to the furthest gate in Gatwick.

Now if you think that the take off is one of the highlights of travel, spare a thought for Paul Davis who clearly felt otherwise. He was seen according to one observer looking 'a whiter shade of pale'.

Once in Malaga the 16 of us took our coach ride to Nerja while Dave from Manchester tried to chat up a local Spanish girl even though he speaks not a word of Spanish. To make up for this rather unfortunate handicap, Dave tried his hand at his rusty French. Sadly, she spoke as much French as Dave could Spanish. All I could do was roar with laughter when I heard the following line: "Tu es belle! Tu es belle!" answered by "Ah, merci, merci", but this was as good as it got for she had to get off at the next stop.

We arrived at our village after a long exhausting walk up a hill in the pitch black with our luggage and soon realised just how big the site was. Our key for villa 25a wouldn't fit in the lock and it took us more than half an hour to discover that there were several 25a's on the site! If we were all in better moods, it could have developed into a fun game!

The next day Dawn Pegram, Dave, Suzy Seddon and myself all strolled to the beach, drank San Miguels, sat by the pool, and went to Rumors, the karaoke bar. This was to become a very relaxing routine for the week.

Nerja Villas

The town of Nerja has its own set of caves which are a major tourist attraction, but Dave and Darren Smith chose to explore their own caves which were much smaller, and free. Unfortunately, and at precisely the same time, so did a mugger who was being sought by armed police! Dave and Darren emerged from the darkness as suspects until they were given an alibi by two passing tourists.

Nearby was the 'Balcony of Europe' which I had bothered to read about in my Costa Del Sol guide book, and so told everyone who mentioned it the full history whether they were the slightest bit interested or not. It has now been painted with a dreadful EU flag. I don't know about you, but when I go abroad I want to feel abroad, to use foreign currency and to mix in a different culture - the rotten EU does its bureaucratic best to make us all the same.

Next day, after a hard session lying by the pool and wondering what the strange 'bangs' were, Darren and I could no longer resist the lure of the Sierra Nevada mountains behind us. So we eagerly asked at reception for the best way up and were told that it was 'impossible'. We set off anyway ignoring the fact that he may just have had a point as we were soon to realise.

We jumped into a field that really belonged to a horse, so quickly escaped via the other side and continued up. Now if you ever get that feeling that you weren't really supposed to be somewhere, then that is how we soon felt. We spotted a path and saw a sign that read '3 Hoots - Blast Imminent - Evacuate area immediately!' Not only did we now know we should definitely not have been there, but the reason for the strange bangs dawned on us - we were stood in a site surrounded by dynamite!

That evening was Paul's birthday celebration and we spent so long trying to find the 'right' restaurant that most of them had closed. Eventually we found one, had some San Miguels and went to Rumours Karaoke bar where Tracey Norris was to sing her way to 'Singer of the Week', and afterwards to Coconuts, the nightclub which closed at 6am.

The next evening we wnt back to the centre of Nerja to eat, but didn't need a map as the lines on Darren's hand were spookingly similar to the road layout even including the intersections! It was as though it was his destiny to come to Nerja.

Afterwards we went to the fair which closed at 7am! Suzy, who had won at darts earlier in the evening won a cute dog at fairground darts. We all finished the night on a terrifying ride, like being on an upside-down saucer that moves in every direction at great speed. Suzy's legs were seen in a position that not even the Kama Sutra knows about!

And so as we came to the end of the holiday we were all short on sleep but obviously none more so than Paul - he tried to pay for his 'Duty Frees' with one of his nude playing cards. It was a great holiday, and North Thames & Chiltern Area are already organising another for 1999.